Lyndaa and Twacii

My own reflection

Friday, May 11, 2012 • 5:30 PM • 0 comments

Hi this is Lynda, aka. Cute8kitty

Yet again, i haven' t blogged for ages and i'm really sorry for that Tracy =_='...

I wasn't in the right mood for it... and to tell you the truth, lately i never was...

Not because i wasn't bothered but actually because i can't seem to write anything down at all. For these past weeks, everything was hard on me (not just only exams). i couldn't cope with it and everything to me was just blurry.

I never liked blogging about negative things, or even showing my emotional thoughts through blogging. Mostly because it's public and it makes me feel like crap, because reading other people's blogs about their emotional thoughts and showing their other side compared to what i know of them, makes me feel like crap (for many reasons). So i tried to always blog about things that were amusing, either towards me or for you guys. But now i just want to get this clear and over and done with, so i could get over with things about myself.

There was something i couldn't deal with. Something that i tried to avoid and was reluctant to except the truth of. I was too ignorant, i believed that by ignoring this fact, i could still be caring towards that person and so does that person towards me too. But no matter what i tried and did, the fact would still be the same and it will never change. i couldn't understand and except this, yet i was constantly reminded that this was the fact. I grew to understand that what ever i did, i would still be hated for it. It took me long but i finally got it. i was hurt. No matter what sacrifices and pains i went through to help that person, that person would never understand and continually hate me. Even when that person has caused other people great pain and drama, that person will still never get it.

I grew angry and i hated that person for all the trouble it caused me and the pain i had to go through. Including the sacrifices i've taken...

i didn't want to talk to anyone, i cried at night, i was having trouble eating and i hated myself all the more because i know i shouldn't hate my friends. I treasure them, even if that person don't even see it the way i do, i still care deeply for them. Maybe it doesn't seem like i do, but i see them as an important aspect of life. You should never hate your friends. Yet for that moment i did...

Yet deep inside, i still care for them, but it hurt cause i'm always driven to the corner because of them.

Of course i had help, and i asked for help but i still couldn't get over it. I've talked to someone whom i usually never talked to about my emotional feelings, and one thing that had stayed on my mind even now. It was what she said, " How can you care for someone when you can't even take care of yourself?"

I believed that if i tried my best and with all my effort to care for that person, then they would do the same for me. but that was not true and i learned it that hard way. Cause that person had driven me to the corner at the most crucial time and at the most crucial moment. Now i believe that no matter what, if they hate you for something, even if its not your fault, you will still be hated for. And i never should have sacrificed something that could have been important to me fromthe start. But i lost it now...

I accepted that. It was hard. But now i understand that. There are some people who would notice i wasn't myself or the times iv'e cried when i didn't want to show it... Well i want get over it, not by means of confronting the problem, cause lets face it, has anyone ever confronted their situations or problems before? Not through blogging and assuming that person would know who your talking to? No one that i think has, and in a proper way...

Blogging is just a way to get across what your feeling, but never should you expect people to do something about it.

I still believe that blogging about negative things is bad, not because ur showing ur feelings but because when and if your pointing at someone or maybe everyone, your putting them down, even when its not that person you want to point out at, but the other's reading your blog. For this one time, i just want to reflect myself and have this out. I'm not pointing at anyone and i'm not expecting anyone to do something, cause this is my reflection.

So instead of confronting my situation, i will move forward and forget about it. I will accept this fact. Because if i continue to sulk and self-pity myself, i will never move on. To get over it, i must move forward and take the next step. Either be it by blogging or by ignoring the situation, it doesn't matter cause what matters is the things that should be more important and the ways to keep it now.

Whatever you will do, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I will still see you as a friend but not as close as i thought we could be before. But just to let you know, i've changed in the inside... and for my own sake, i will never change the person i am on the outside. No matter what. I will still be what everyone percieve me as, the clumsy, idiotic, weird, short and childish 'Tweety'.

I want to be clear about this fact, and this fact only.

I'm sorry for all the troubles i may have caused and will now concentrate on things i should be doing from now on ^^

I will definitely be fine

Labels: long post, self reflection

A blog

Monday, May 7, 2012 • 11:51 PM • 0 comments

Thought I needed a little change in the skin. Loved the last skin. i will definitely use that skin again, once im back to the professor Layton craze. =] so for now, lets keep it simple.

well enough of my babbles again. I will officially blog about today.

So music was first. As usual Heron was talking for half the lesson. The other half was working on our compositions. Well, surprise, surprise, we'll have to perform at lunch starting next week. Heck, im not even ready, i'm shaking from head to toe from nervousness and coldness. When was the last time i performed in front of an audience? i think it was last year, and yeah that didn't go too well, so im worried now ==''
(i shall pray for confidence LOL!)

Art after that. As usual we just bludged and did some work.

D&T, haha i couldnt concentrate. We were doing research stuff so it was pretty boring.

Maths. not much progress. Lynda is such a distraction, she keeps drawing on my sheets and book. But the good thing about her is that she teaches me maths and for that im grateful. So even when she acts like a child, i tolerate. xD (no offense intended) But indeed Lynda is a great maths buddy =]

lilasianfanatic

Labels: blog changing skin

random

Sunday, May 6, 2012 • 8:39 PM • 0 comments

I realised i havent been blogging much lately. Well thats because I havent been online for some time.
So here we go on about me babbling. =]

Well, the other day i finally got my hands on Mario Kart 7 3DS. HAHAHA. My first 3DS game. I'm so happy. I've only played one track so far, and the rest i think my brother is playing. I'll play after he is done.
Well, im looking forward to more games, especially ones that are releasing soon. So for the time being, need to save up LOL.

anyways im currently working on my composition... and my first 8 bars of melody is stuck in my head. Still have a long way to go. =_=

yeah i think thats all i have to blabble about =]

PS. i dont like this format of posting.. gahhh need to get used to it.

lilasianfanatic

Labels: 3DS, composition

SO tired!

Sunday, April 22, 2012 • 10:59 PM • 0 comments

im officially STRESSING OUT!
gahhh im so tired too...
School in 2 days... =[

lilasianfanatic

Labels: im so tired, random

I want to go Japan NOW

Saturday, April 14, 2012 • 9:54 PM • 0 comments

OMGosh!!!!!!!!!! a Capcom shop in Japan!!!!
i so wanna go there!!!! there is so many phoenix wright/ ace attorney merchandise!!!!!!

kyaa.. an ace attorney section/ poster thingy. It looks amazing.

products!!!! i want all of them!!! (but they're so expensive =[ )

more pics on : http://news.dengeki.com/elem/000/000/477/477725/

ps. cant wait till ace attorney movie comes out here... (if it ever comes here, that is)

lilasianfanatic

Labels: ace attorney, capcom, japan

Happy birthday kim

• 9:04 PM • 0 comments

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM!

you are now officially 17!!
my, my one more year and we'll all be adults... (that doesn't sound to good!! LOL)

Hope you had an awesome day today =]

Remember the time in year 8 when we played piano together. Yeah those were the most fun, awesome days of my piano life. LOL.

anyways, i dedicate a song to you, a song which I played the first half and you played the second half. Those were great memories.
However today, you will not play the second half, because I have played the whole song for you. (dodgely) . Took me some time to relearn the song after a long time. xD

Enjoy~

haha, sorry for the bad lighting/quality of the video...

lilasianfanatic

Labels: Happy Birthday Kim, love chronicle

Ji Chang- Wook

Saturday, April 7, 2012 • 10:28 PM • 0 comments

Ji Chang- Wook.

his charming smile has captivated me....

Haha, was watching some Korean drama called Bachelor's Vegetable store. i must say it is awesome. Its a typical drama, it made me frustrated at times, however the ending made up everything. Loved the ending =]. its so sweet.

i just love Chang-wook's acting.
When he cries, i feel like crying, when he smiles/laughs i cant help but smirk. When he gets jealous.. haha it so sweet.

anyways im just being weird... but i must say, his smile really reminds me of Raymond Lam xDD

well other than Lee Hong Ki, I think i've found another Korean artist i like- Ji Chang-wook =]

lilasianfanatic

Labels: BVS, ji chang wook

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